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TUESDAY, April 2, 2013 - 04/01/2013

SACRED STOPWATCH -- Rookie Pope Francis is turning out to be the most unorthodox pontiff in recent history.  On the job less than a month and already he's moved into a scaled down apartment, worked the crowds without bodyguards, and shortened his usual daily Mass by half.  And he shortens everything.  Nuns around the world are struggling to get used to a rosary with three beads and a pewter medal of the Madonna -- not the Blessed Virgin, the singer.   THE WINNER IS... -- UCLA has signed basketball coach  Steve Alford to a seven year, $18.2 million contract.   After vetting many candidates, the Athletic Department finally settled on Alford although the choice wasn't easy.   The search was narrowed to three highly qualified candidates -- Alford, Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un.   BARREL OF FUN -- Authorities in Germany refused to admit  Jason Bieber's capuchin monkey at the Munich Airport.   The animal was almost through Customs when the agents finally concluded that he looked too friendly for Jason's agent, too kind to be his lawyer.  And he presented a suspicious passport signed by Jack Hanna.   LAP RIDERS -- To relieve rampant diamond lane congestion, The California Highway Department may require carpools to have at least three riders rather than two.  Could be a problem, though.  With layoffs so common, it's almost impossible to find three employees who work for the same company.   PORK...

TUESDAY, April 2, 2013

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